What Is This Feeling?
by PotterIsMyPatronus
Summary: Something's off about Lily, and it didn't take James very long to notice. There is something wrong, but James doesn't have the courage to find out what. Does he care enough? Is he making the wrong decision? JamesxLily, James x Lily, James and Lily


**Beware, readers. The story you are about to read is cheesy beyond belief. You may scream, cry or rip your own eyelashes out, but the feelings you experience after reading this painfully cliché story are not my responsibility.**

**I WILL BE GETTING THE NEXT CHAPTER OF RED THREAD OUT SOON BUT THIS IDEA HAS BEEN BUGGING ME SO I HAD TO DO IT. Do not fret, for I have almost finished the next chapter, but still, this one-shot was needed unless my brain would implode.**

**On a lighter note, reviews are welcome.**

**Mwah.**

**Harry Potter and characters and stuff © J.**

**EDIT (10/3/13): Okay, can I just say something here? Like, just a little note.**

**I was TWELVE when I wrote this. TWELVE. I was not mastered on the inner art of boys and what to do if someone's father dies and do you kiss them or hug them or grope them or feed them hotdogs? I hadn't (and still haven't) EVER had a boyfriend, because I was TWELVE, so what was I supposed to know? The only boys at my school that date swear at their girlfriends as a sign of affection and finger people 4 years younger than them (I'm talking about 17 year olds here and stuff) so I wasn't really all that knowledgeable. I understand that you tried to be nice, but honestly? Really? Did I really cause such a deep-rooted loathing? Is it me, the plot, or do you just despise Jily?**

**Phew. Calm down. Sorry.**

**But, before anyone says 'You should have been more knowledgeable,' I say this: This is a website, on the internet, for fans. I assure you, this is not going to be published, nor will any of my other work so far be published, because as a THIRTEEN year old girl, I am not good enough at writing yet. I am on here to improve.**

**So now, I say thank you for reviewing, because by reviewing, I have noticed that my plot was wrong, and that my characters were, 'beyond OOC, (…) ridiculous', and I will be able to work on thoroughly planning my plots and checking for disrespect and the accuracy of my characters. So thank you, MagicPotato, for killing me and bringing me back to life in a blaze of fire and ice, and then covering me with hot water to calm me down. You should replace Wormtail. Voldemort might have even had a nose if you had brought him back.**

Lily Evans had been extremely quiet lately, and James couldn't put his finger on why. It'd been ever since Sunday, and on the Wednesday after she still wore that weary, miserable, heart-broken look.

It was seventh year, and they were Head Boy and Girl, yet James couldn't muster up the courage to ask her what was wrong. They were supposed to be friends now, and he couldn't walk a few steps, tap her on her perfect shoulder and ask her if she was alright. Didn't he care?

Of course he did! Ever since first year. Her sparkling red hair, like tongues of fire, fiery like her personality. Her deep green eyes, normally narrowed, swimming with irritation and mocking laughter. Her flawless lips, shiny and cherry red without help. The way even the Hogwarts uniform complimented her, and she wore it like a model on a catwalk – one of the only Muggle things James had ever thrown his enthusiasm into. He told her that once, but received a painful slap around the face, so he'd dropped that idea.

But it wasn't like Lily to skip her patrols. Nobody questioned it, and the teachers only sent her sympathetic looks in class, but James… inside of him, his gut was churning with warning. He'd watched his angel since first year, and she didn't know it, but he knew her. The way her right eyebrow twitched when she was truly furious, the way that she combed her fingers through her hair when she was nervous, the way that she performed best in class when someone had beaten her first.

He also could tell from a mile away how truly sad she was by her eyes. It was unique – he'd seen her angry, many, many times, but sad was something Lily Evans did not do. James didn't fathom what he was feeling. It was like nervousness, but stronger, and without that tiny pleasurable edge. It was like jealousy, but without the anger. It was like depression, but with power and will. What was this feeling?

_Aha!_

James was _worried_.

James took his seat in DADA class, beside Lily, with Sirius on his other side. She paged slowly through her textbook, eyes scanning the pages but blatantly not taking in anything. Dark, shadowy bags hung under her eyes, extremely visible due to the fact that she didn't wear makeup – not that she needed it.

James found himself staring, but she did deserve it. He wanted to reach out across the desk and capture her hand in his, for she looked too lethargic to care, but he wanted to hug her and let her spill out her troubles into his chest, like a loving boyfriend would. But it would probably scare her, so he clenched his fists and kept his hands to himself.

His thoughts were disturbed by a spiky elbow in the ribs.

"You look like you're having a seizure, mate. Relax," said Sirius, smirking but his eyes speaking many levels of concern, rare for him. He wouldn't call his friend stoic, but he was more interesting in girls than emotions. To be frank, none of them were exactly the diary type, but his point was still valid.

"Staring at Evans again?" asked Sirius in a whisper.

"I wonder what's up," said James.

"She's been like it since Sunday."

James rolled his eyes. "I actually know that by myself. My obsession does come in handy sometimes."

"Ah, Jamsie!" Sirius muffled a laugh, glancing over at the oblivious professor. (James hadn't even known the class had started.) "You're worried!"

James kicked Sirius in the shin under the desk, making him squeal like he was eating Toxic Waste – the Muggle sweet.

"That was uncalled for."

"It was most certainly called for," argued James. Sirius laughed, though briefly, as Professor Winters was growing suspicious.

"If you're so worried, ask her what's wrong."

"I can't."

"Yes, you can." Sirius raised an eyebrow.

"No, I can't!"

"Chicken."

"I'm not humanly capable of doing that."

Why couldn't James get his point across? Whenever he tried to ask her why she was upset, his voice locked in his throat and he ended up saying hello or just muttering something along the lines of, 'I forgot.' Or choking. Mostly the choking.

"James!" Sirius whispered urgently. He swivelled in his seat, put his hands on James' shoulders to look him right in the eye and said in a low, foreboding voice, "I _dare_ you."

James gasped. "No!"

"Yes. You must do it."

James sighed, cleared his throat and slid his chair across the floor of the room to be closer to Lily. She was blinking rapidly, as if to supress a tear, except that wasn't possible, as Lily Evans did not cry. Maybe she had blocked tear ducts or something…

But that wasn't the point. James had to focus on his mission. In his head, it looked like this:

**NAME: JAMES POTTER.**

**AGE: 18.**

**OBJECTIVE: ASK LILY EVANS WHAT'S WRONG.**

**TASK STATUS: INCOMPLETE.**

He cursed and thanked Sirius simultaneously. If not for his dare, he wouldn't be able to do this. James couldn't lose to Sirius at the dare game.

James outstretched a hand and tapped Lily lightly on the shoulder. There was a crackle of paper as Lily's hand froze whilst turning a page. Without turning her head, keeping her eyes on the words in front of her, Lily muttered, "Yeah?"

"Lily, what's wrong?" There. It was out.

"I'm… I'm tired, 'sall."

"Whatever you say, Evans, whatever you say," said James, scooting his chair back over in the opposite direction. No, he didn't mean to say that. He didn't mean to grin. It was all coming out wrong, because James' head was in a muddle, disorientated due to the appearance of the sickening emotion, _worry_.

James would have to live it out until another chance – if he could get one.

**TASK STATUS: 50% COMPLETE.**

"You didn't read a word of that book, I could tell."

"Oh, shut up, Moony, you know I'll pass my NEWT without that dumb textbook," said James.

"Don't get cocky, Prongs, time will tell," interjected Sirius with a hidden laugh.

"Indeed, it will," said Peter.

James was about to retort with one of his extremely witty, famous comebacks that girls adored, but the words died on his tongue as he was Lily enter the Gryffindor common room alone, slouching, her arms hugging herself as if to hold herself together.

"Hey, Lily!" hollered Sirius.

James gritted his teeth.

Lily hesitated, before turning on her heels and looking at the Marauders with her weary, broken, vulnerable stare. "What do you want, Black?" Her voice lacked the typical venom.

Sirius whistled. "Damn, you look like death."

"Padfoot!" Remus hissed, appalled. Peter, small beside the rest of the boys, raised an eyebrow and waited for one of the Lily retorts, which put James' to shame.

None came. Only her tiny voice saying, "I know." She turned around again and continued to take baby steps towards the girls' dormitory.

"Something's wrong," said Peter, frowning.

"Oh, you don't say," said Sirius.

"Hm, maybe she's a Death Eater," mused James aloud, tapping his lower lip with his index finger.

It happened in a flash. After one blink of an eye, Lily had wheeled round, pinned James to the wall and had her wand jabbed at his neck. Her right eyebrow was twitching, her eyes burned, and her teeth ground together behind closed lips. Remus and Sirius had to stagger back to avoid the sudden fighting machine that was Lily, and Peter had tumbled over completely.

"Don't mention them, not about me, not to me," she gasped. Her breathing was heavy. "Or I… I will kill you…"

And James could tell by her eyes that she meant it. For the third time in his life, he was truly terrified.

Lily closed her eyes, as if pained, and took a step back, withdrawing her wand from his neck. Remus and Peter took one look and her and legged it, leaving only Sirius, who was horrified, and James, who was more bewildered than anything else.

"Lily, tell me," he said.

She looked up and him once, right into his hazel eyes, before wrapping her arms around his waist and resting her cheek on his chest. A few seconds later, sobs racked her, and her tears soaked into James' robes. James wrapped his arms around her shoulders, and pressed his lips against her hair. She was crying. Lily Evans, superior kill-joy and emotionless example of why redheads are said to have no souls, was _crying._What was going on?

"Lily," whispered James. He stroked her head.

"The Death Eaters attacked my parents. My dad… he didn't make it…" Lily sobbed, clinging to James. "Please, stay."

"Oh God, Lily, I'm sorry."

"I've loved you since the start of the year, but you never liked me back. I knew you'd gotten over me but… but…" Lily pressed her lips together to try and restrain another round of weeping.

James reached down and lifted Lily's head to look into her watery eyes. With his lips he wiped a tear from her cheek. "Lily, I never got over you. I love you."

"I'll always love you. You've always been here, even though I never knew it. I'm in love with you. Always."

"Always?"

"Always." Lily smiled through her tears.

James leaned down and brushed his lips to Lily's, his bones chilling with the sensation. Lily, with a groan, seized him by his wild hair and yanked his head down. All of his plans to tease her, to make her die with longing, were eliminated from his mind when she crushed her lips against his urgently, moaning softly into his mouth.

Lily captured James' lower lip and worried it, licking and nibbling, until James was gasping. With a growl, he captured her face in his hands and tore her away from his lip, to resume kissing her. If she carried on doing that, he'd end up having her, right in the common room.

Lily broke away, gasping even quicker than when she was crying. The last tears lay dry and abandoned on her cheeks.

"Will I see you on patrols tomorrow?"

"I think I'm ready for that, yeah," said Lily, with a shy grin. She backed out of his arms, waved and darted up the staircase to her dorm, her hair flying behind her. She looked like the real Lily.

James smirked before joining Sirius, who snapped his gaping mouth closed with a click. They stood and stared for a minute or two, before James let out a wolf howl, drawing all of the attention that wasn't already on him, which wasn't a lot.

"Score!" James shouted, doing a victory dance. Sirius joined in, cackling like the demented witch he was.

"Never thought you had it in you, mate," chortled Sirius, earning him a well-aimed whack.

"Shush. This is the best day of my life."

**TASK STATUS: COMPLETE.**


End file.
